Own Your Choices and Reclaim Your Life
Struggle is always a constant and it is always fought against ourselves. Not for others' expectations, not for others' perceptions or needs, it is always about us trying to work our own selves out. That realisation usually comes as a surprise? For our entire lives we are supposedly in constant battle with ‘others’. We think we are reacting to their interpretations or assessment of us. We are forever trying to blame others for how we feel or how we act, for our decision or change of decision. We constantly tell ourselves we are never free to pursue our own lives for we are too obligated in adjusting ourselves to suit others’ needs.
Well let us consider this just for a moment. Everything we do has to finally be our decision, our actions are always based on our choices so the ball always rests in our court. Our head may turn from side to side considering all options and perspectives but the final decision rests with us alone. So yes it is ALWAYS our decision. Yes we can choose to ‘blame’ others for our choices but that is only a protective mechanism we hold to keep ourselves comforted. So in light of this, we can finally stop with the excuses and start taking responsibility for all. Yes, for every step we have chosen to take in our life this far.
As scary as that may feel, it is an incredibly empowering perspective. For the first time it assumes that all is accomplished in its entirety by us. Not by others' manipulation of our decision, for everything essentially was our own decision. “Good or bad” that is irrelevant but what this emphasises is that we alone own the power to navigate our life. The initial reaction here is to focus on the choices that have not been supportive and to feel the true burden of responsibility. In the past the blame has always been shifted to a third party to lighten our own load but now with this realisation, we are asked to take the resposibility back. Now how do we handle such a reality shift? No, it's not an easy one to deal with or is it? By shifting power to a so called ‘third party’ we in essence lose our own power – convinced that if we lose, we relinquish responsibility and no longer have to carry it. With this action comes a total loss of our own 'power' – it’s almost as if we relinquish part of our own essence in this unconscious, seemingly self 'protective' yet minor act. Yet if we had the courage to own our decisions we would then realise that with the power to accept ‘fault’ we also own the power to change the situation. In other words we can regain our own power again. This sounds so confusing and so complex, yet it is so simple. It is all in the way we choose to understand our situation, what do we percieve as our degree of influence in our life. We can choose to continue to believe that our hands are tied (by others expectations and therefore their responsibility) or that all rests in our hands and in our control; Our choices, our decisions, simply by claiming total responsibility.
Can you see how incredibly empowering an attitude shift such as this is? No decision we ever make is a wrong one, each just happens to take us on slightly different directions with differing repercussions but none are necessarily wrong, as we have been conditioned to fear. And can you also see how much less of an issue it is to review whether a decision is wrong or right or whether we have chosen to accept responsibility for it or not. The real issue is whether we choose to retain our power or give it over to someone else (as if it was their fault that we made the decision in the first place). Why has something so simple become so difficult to explain? I think that further explains the degree of confusion we have brought into our life and again a conditioned, not a conscious choice.
The leap of faith that comes from finally shifting perspective and taking ownership of our lives is incredibly fulfilling. We are more than capable of carrying the ‘responsibility’ that comes with it, that’s only the minor issue. Yet we are hell bent in ensuring that anything that we do not believe to be the right outcome has to be removed out of our control so that we can remain ‘right’ after all. It is incredible isn’t it? And all that we are left with here is less and less control of our lives. Is it not amazing how such a small act can affect us so deeply and yet we choose to underestimate it and continue to be controlled by it!
Our power is our energy, the air that we breathe. This power is all about who we allow to take control and therefore who takes responsibility for every move we make. So each time we choose to part blame or make excuses, we lose a little more of our ability to breathe freely. Now this all rests on the issue of right and wrong. From day one, when we enter this world, ‘right and wrong’ are clearly demarcated, so we go on our life believing that is the way it needs to be. Have we ever stopped to ask ourselves why this is so? Judgment is a little clearer when it sides for issues such as safety but it is generally very unclear. Judgment is mostly about consensus and consensus is not black and white as with issues of safety. Consensus is about conformity and what is conformity about – Control. And what did we say control was about – Power. So here we are again – back to the start!
Again we need to be aware of and more importantly, own our own ‘judgment’. The ownership is 'Power' itself. You say ‘….it is all my judgment’. But how much reflection on this issue have we done? We all spend a lifetime reflecting on rules and ask ourselves do we need to change them but the important ones are always the ones we are totally unaware of and follow through with unquestioningly. There is so much energy that we need to claim back for ourselves, so much that if we were to spend all our time just focusing on this reclaiming, we would barely have started to skim the surface. Claiming back our life is paramount to living consciously, no longer any issue of right or wrong but only about personal perspective. What an empowering experience that would be!
The questions remain; Why do we choose to remain in the dark? Why do we choose to relinquish our life giving power over to others? Well the belief is that it makes life easier or at least that is the perception. How many of us enjoy being the exception to the rule? How many would choose to question the norm? Very few! Yes that age old image of ‘led like sheep’ pops into mind. And the incredible thing is that society supports - no demands it and as good little sheep we follow the call. Again we have used every excuse possible to explain this attitude – being ignorant, supportive, understanding, open natured and even religious – all about conformity. Could you imagine this world, if we all conformed to honouring ourselves and finding the best of our dreams? It’s not only exciting it is confronting – this whole world would grow in leaps and bounds!
We would no longer be living in a sorry world of the wounded, whose only worry was not to step on anyone’s toes but a world of the empowered, where everyone would strive to reach their highest potential. With such a positive attitude I don’t see the need for negativity, control or limitation; we would all be fuelled with passion and inspiration. There would be no time for fear and no true sense of inadequacy – there would be no call for it. Yes I know this is very idealistic but you can see the impact that even a subtle level of such an attitude change would have on all our world views and therefore life as we know it! All from us owning our own beliefs and aspirations and being guided from within - No longer controlled by the limited, fearful and conditioned world of today.
Life is all about finding our passion and breathing through it. Currently this attitude is perceived as being a very selfish one and it supposedly pushes us towards an introverted ‘me,me,me’ society that has no regard for fellow man. An interesting perception for it is this ‘regard for their fellow man’ that is in itself the prime catalyst for ‘debilitating’ the individual. How can one even hear, let alone find their passion if they have to constantly peer over their shoulder to see if their passion is befitting of the ‘social norm’. We all know that the successful in life are always those that have followed their instinct, usually against the prevailing expectations or limitations. Shouldn’t this be a glowing example of how things should be? We should be asking these people the way out, rather than reverting to the petty jealousies of the ‘tall poppy syndrome’ and putting them back towards the ‘norm’ of the conditioned society. They have the key, why ignore it or try to destroy it? It’s about forging your own path and we all know that you cannot follow a straight line to your goal if you allow yourself to be guided by others’ egos. No-one ever understands your passion as clearly as you and there is never the need for it to be understood for all will be clearly understood when it reaches fruition and explains itself merely by existing.
Why is there this incessant need for us to know and understand everything? Why are these ‘scientists’ trying to make everything fit into a box, a tangible rule? What is it in us that constantly tries to restrain our ability, pushing everything into acceptable boxes? What is the fear of pushing boundaries into new regions? Why is it that everything has to be pushed backwards and become acceptable in the known world of ‘norms’? Acceptable by the masses is far too debilitating, especially in this time where we should know better, yet all we do is contrive to go backwards rather than forward. Somewhere along the line we need to take off our scientist jackets and try on our artist smocks and find the freedom within ourselves to release our true potential without the need of massive acceptance.
..... Anne Antoniou
